الثلاثاء، 15 مارس 2011

Miracles of modern technology

Dear Dr. Hitech,

I think it's great that you recently felt the need to shell out a fortune for FUBARMED, the new computerized chart system that runs your office.

Apparently FUBARMED has a feature that lets you list me, or any other doctor, as a "consultant" in a patient's chart. I assume the idea here is to improve physician communication.

It seems like an absolutely great idea. You order an MRI, or labs, and your computer automatically faxes the results to my office, too.

In theory, that sounds nice.

But FUBARMED has no fucking clue what different doctors care about.

So it faxes me EVERY DAMN THING. Mrs. Patient (who I'm seeing for migraines) gets a pap smear? I get the results. She calls you with a runny nose? The phone note shows up on my fax machine (along with your delightful response "what color is her mucus?"). She needs a refill on her cholesterol medication? FUBARMED faxes me a notification, then a copy of your approval.

As far as I can tell, this great program of yours is functioning primarily to waste my time, paper, and fax machine toner.

Hoping to see one come over soon that says "Patient doesn't like Dr. Grumpy, wants you to take him off the consultant list."

Yours truly,

Ibee Grumpy, M.D.

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