Dear Sam's Club,

Thank you for the letter I received yesterday, notifying me that the Christmas cookie trays we bought last year, for office and family parties, have been recalled due to "undeclared food coloring ingredients".


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From what I can see on your website, it was a nationwide recall. So I'm sharing the letter with my readers, in case they still have some Christmas cookies lying around.

Your letter requests that I return the cookies to my local Sam's Club. After carefully questioning family members and employees as to their current whereabouts, I am unable to bring them back to your store at this time.

If it's absolutely critical that you get the cookies back, I suggest you contact the Grumpyville Sewage Treatment Facility. I think they give tours on Mondays.

Yours truly,

Ibee Grumpy, M.D.

P.S. Mary says you can have them (and some PB M&M's) back by doing liposuction on me.