My deep sleep is shattered by hysterical screaming of the psychopath-with-a-butcher-knife-has-broken-into-the-house-and-is-about-to-kill-me sort coming from Craig's room.
I go flying down the hall.
Dr. Grumpy: "Craig! Are you okay?!!! What's wrong?!!!"
Craig: "THERE'S A LIZARD ON MY WALL!!!"
Dr. Grumpy: "That? For crap's sake, Craig, it's 2 inches long. They eat bugs. It's not going to hurt you."
Craig: "IT COULD CLIMB UP TO THE CEILING AND GET OVER MY BED AND DROP ON TOP OF ME AND CRAWL IN MY MOUTH AND I COULD CHOKE AND IT WOULD KILL ME IN MY SLEEP!!!"
So, in order to protect my children from a dangerous, potentially-lethal, 2-inch-long bug-eating lizard, I got a yardstick and tupperware container, and gently captured the menacing beast.
It's now out in the yard, where the bug hunting is likely better, anyway.
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