Running errands on Black Friday

Dr. Grumpy: "Oh... Look at that. The Okra Haus restaurant is closed. It looks like they're tearing it down."

Marie: "Oh, no! I hated that place!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Then I'd think you'd be happy it's gone."

Marie: "Yeah, but now I need to find another place to despise."

Shopping

Remember, there are better ways to spend Black Friday than beating your fellow man to death to save $5 on a videogame at Walmart.

The Dr. Grumpy gift shop is open 24/7, and you don't have to dress up to shop there, like you would for Walmart.

For those who love their Kindle, you can have me delivered to it automatically each day for only 99 cents a month - less than a coffee at Starbuck's!

Thanksgiving

This is the Gray Wolf

"You want a piece of me?"

One of evolution's most successful designs, to this day it's a feared predator across the planet. Its range covers most of the northern hemisphere. One subspecies, the Yukon Wolf, is the largest living wild canid today. They're ferocious hunters.

What makes Gray Wolves so incredibly successful is their social nature. Their intelligence makes them clever, capable of adapting to new situations and prey. They hunt in packs, which allows them to bring down animals much larger than they individually are. Bison. Moose. Musk Ox. They have an impressive array of teeth and powerful jaw muscles that can crack large bones.

"We have sharp teeth for a reason, Phil. Let's use them."

And, somewhere around 30,000 years ago, this social tendency led to them becoming oddly intertwined with a primate species that was gradually spreading across the planet. A branch off the Gray Wolves became hunting partners, guards, and companions. Each species learning from the other in a remarkably successful relationship that continues to this day.

Still vicious. Still wild. Still... Oh, who am I kidding.

This is the modern wolf. From dangerous hunter to pillow for video-game-playing ape.

Her hunting ancestors must be horrified.

Life with dogs. It just doesn't get any better.

History reruns

November 27, 1898

Everyone's heard of the Titanic, Andrea Doria, and Lusitania. But most shipwrecks are long forgotten, except in the areas they occurred.

Long before The Perfect Storm was made famous by a George Clooney movie, there was the Portland Gale of 1898. The storm was catastrophic, but is mostly forgotten now.

In 48 hours of early-winter gale over 300 ships were either sunk or seriously damaged. Lives lost is unknown, but likely between 500-1000. Shore towns and cities from Massachusetts to Maine were devastated by rain, sleet, and more than 2 feet of snow, driven by winds measured up to 110 miles per hour. Communities of beach cottages simply vanished.

But the storm is still called by the name of it's most prominent victim: the steamship Portland.

In 1898 the Boston, Massachusetts to Portland, Maine route was a busy one, used heavily by both business and leisure travelers. Some took trains, while others preferred steamships. The latter traveled on coastal steamers, usually by night (the equivalent of a "red-eye" flight today). A ticket was $1 to $5, depending on your accomodations. You'd board in the evening, have dinner on the ship, sleep in your cabin, and the next morning were there. The ships went back and forth 3-4 times a week.

The New England weather can be notoriously vicious. A storm was coming in when the Portland sailed on the evening of November 26, 1898. Her captain, Hollis Blanchard, was known for being cautious, but apparently saw nothing in the conditions or forecast that unduly alarmed him. At 7:00 p.m. the ship sailed from India wharf in Boston, never to return.

The ship was sighted by others in the next few hours, but as the storm worsened, eventually vanished in the gale. When and exactly how she foundered will always be a secret, as she took all 192 passengers and crew with her. Recovered watches had all stopped between 9:00 and 10:00, though whether this was a.m. or p.m. is unknown.

The next day wreckage began washing ashore: furniture, timbers, luggage, lifebelts, and lots of bodies. Although the picture above shows a lifeboat being launched, none were ever found, and the severity of the storm makes it unlikely this was even attempted.

Several entire families were lost in the tragedy, traveling home after Thanksgiving in Boston. Their memorials are scattered across New England graveyards. The Portland black community was hit particularly hard, as (except for the officers) the majority of the crew were black men. In 1898 (33 years after the Civil War) service on these ships was considered a very respectable job for a black man, and those who served were generally veterans of the trade, supporting families ashore. They were often more sought after than white men for the same positions, as white men looking for these jobs were younger, less experienced, and seen as more likely to leave the job without notice.

The Portland herself would remain hidden for a long time. In 1989 the wreck was located, but the technology wouldn't allow an accurate identification. So it was forgotten again until 2002, when it was found by side-scan sonar. It's since been explored by divers, though at a depth of 460 feet in very cold water this is limited and dangerous.

If you're interested in learning more about the Portland and gale or 1898, I recommend the book "Four Short Blasts" (the title refers to the whistle distress signal of the time) by Peter Dow Bachelder. The book also has a brief history of the American Life-Saving Service, which eventually became today's U.S. Coast Guard.

Not even close

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, let me have Annie schedule that test..."

Mr. Gallery: "I have a question for you" (takes out an iPad) "I read on your website that you majored in art?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Um, no. My undergraduate degree is in physics. I'm pretty sure it says that on my site."

Mr. Gallery: "Are you sure? I thought I'd read that somewhere. Maybe it was Yelp or something."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sure. Believe me. I have no knowledge of art whatsoever."

Mr. Gallery: "Oh" (looks disappointed, puts away iPad) "I was really hoping you could help identify some of the paintings at my parent's house. I even took pictures of them."

Telephone book

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Mrs. Frantic: "I need you guys to get my Dad in today! I think he had a stroke, or a seizure, or a heart attack, or one of those things!"

Mary: "Calm down, ma'am... Have we ever seen your father before?"

Mrs. Frantic: "No! He's visiting from California! And he's not acting like himself."

Mary: "Okay, we don't have any openings today, and I think your best option is to take him to ER."

Mrs. Frantic: "But he needs a work-up NOW! You need to see him and do tests and stuff!"

Mary: "I understand that, but we can't do those tests in our office. That's why you need to take him to emergency."

Mrs. Frantic: "I don't want to take him to ER! He needs to see a neurologist!"

Mary: "We can't see him today, and so..."

Mrs. Frantic: "FINE! I'll just move on to the 'H's'."

(click)

Rimshot

Dr. Grumpy: "Any memory problems since starting the new pill?"

Lady Geritol: "I'm not sure. Honey, have I been forgetting things?"

Mr. Geritol: "I don't remember."