Friday guest post- Officer Cynical!

From our favorite man-in-blue:


Last night, near the end of my shift, I happened upon a disabled car in the middle of a busy intersection. I pulled in behind him and put my overhead lights on, then went to talk to the driver to see what needed to be done.

The driver and a passenger were there, waiting for traffic to clear so they could push it out of the street. As I was talking to them, I noticed a guy in one of those serious, heavy-duty, motorized wheelchairs cruising by on the sidewalk, but didn't pay him much attention.

Well, as we started pushing the car, this guy suddenly jumped out of the StephenHawkingmobile, ran over, got behind the dead car, and helped us push it through the intersection and onto a side street. Then he ran back to the chair, hopped in, and motored away. It was like seeing a new-fangled superhero or something.

I still don't know what the hell happened.

Annie's desk, August 29, 2012

Mrs. Autoclave: "Hello?"

Annie: "Hi, this is Annie at Dr. Grumpy's office."

Mrs. Autoclave: "Do you have my test results?"

Annie: "Yes, your neck MRI was fine, and so he'd like to schedule you for an EMG."

Mrs. Autoclave: "Is that the test where they stick needles in your arm?"

Annie: "Yes."

Mrs. Autoclave: "Does he use clean needles?"

Annie: "Of course!"

Mrs. Autoclave: "He's not, like, re-using the same needle on every patient, is he? Or just rubbing it down with a paper towel between patients?"

Annie: "No. It's a disposable needle. He throws it away, and uses a new needle for every patient."

Mrs. Autoclave: "How do I know he's not just fishing it out of the garbage?"

Annie: "You can watch him open the package before the test."

Mrs. Autoclave: "I'm going to have to think about this. I don't trust you people." (click)

Skool Nerse announcement

This is Mrs. Grumpy.

Look, kids.

There are all kinds of ways to fake being sick/injured/dead to try and get sent home from school.

Pretending to have a weird rash that "suddenly came up" before the math test is not a good one.

Especially if you do it by rubbing your face and hands vigorously with Cheetos.

Your neon-orange "rash" washed off pretty damn easily when I took a washcloth to it.

And now you smell like the inside of a vending machine.

Nice try, though.

Patient quote of the day

"My blood pressure is intermittently sporadic. It happens randomly."

Life on rounds

I recently got a new doctor's bag because my old one fell apart. While talking to a nurse at the hospital, I started fiddling with the shoulder strap.

Nurse: "What's wrong?"

Dr. Grumpy: "My bag is hanging funny."

Hysterical laughter breaks out at nurse's station.

Dr. Grumpy: "That didn't sound good, did it?"

Saturday afternoon

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a call."

Mrs. Adna-Thompson: "Hi, I'm one of your patients, and I'm at Glove World amusement park today."

Dr. Grumpy: "What can I do for you?"

Mrs. Adna-Thompson: "Well, we're in line for the Fiery Fist O' Pain, the roller coaster that goes upside down a few times. I'm afraid the upside down part will give me a migraine."

Dr. Grumpy: "So..."

Mrs. Adna-Thompson: "So, can I hand my phone to the attendant? I want you to tell him not to send my car on the upside-down part."

Dr. Grumpy: "Um, I think that's a function of the track. There's nothing he can do about it. Why don't you just not go on the ride?"

Mrs. Adna-Thompson: "That's what the attendant and my husband both said! You're no help at all!"

Random Sunday Pictures

First, from our recent trip, we have this picture taken at Lagoon. Apparently to dissuade masochists and guys looking for a painful prostate check:

I really love Lagoon. But not this much.

Next, in a similar vein, we have this unusual public service announcement tie-in from Local Grocery:

Have some wine. Then bend over.

It was a long driving trip. Fortunately you can try and amuse yourself with Siri:

"What do you mean? African or European?"

Emma sends this picture, which she says was taken at a store in Hackney:

And, lastly, yet another example of...

"My, what lovely dentures you have."