North American Idol

While I generally don't promote artists other than myself (trust me, medicine is an art more than a science) sometimes I simply MUST do so.

Witness, please, this truly remarkable cop-cam performance by Mr. Robert Wilkinson, a Canadian gentleman. In an attempt to convince a police officer that he was not inebriated, Mr. Wilkinson did what any sober person would do: belt out a complete a cappella rendition of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" (okay, so he briefly used the windows as drums, but it was quick) in the squad car.

It's worth watching the entire thing. I promise.






One night in medical school, after a round of tests, I performed a stirring rendition of "My Way" at a now-defunct karaoke bar. Afterwards my roommate Enzyme commented, "Dude, you can't carry a tune worth shit. But boy, can you sing." Mr. Wilkinson demonstrates that statement better than I ever could.

Thank you, Tanya!

Dear Local Pharmacy,

Thanks for your recent refill request on Ms. Andrews. I've signed and faxed it back.

I'm used to seeing notes on these things (usually mixed with the patients' names) as reminders to your staff. I've seen "John Smith - Always double count pills" and "Lisa - give her dog a treat - Jones" and "hearing impaired - Michael Harris."

And I'm aware it's important that your tech know if a patient should have a childproof cap, or one that's easy to pop off.

But it just doesn't sound good when I get a request for a lady named "Suzy 'Easy Opening' Andrews."

Thank you,

Ibee Grumpy, M.D.

Today's news

"No, Reverend, it's perfectly normal to be hanging curtains in your vegetable pantry while buck naked."

Thank you, Steve!

Methuselah

Every March Mr. Patient needs me to re-file paperwork so he can get his medication for another year.

This year, pissed off at the endless forms, I wrote "HE WILL TAKE THIS FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE! PLEASE AUTHORIZE FOR MORE THAN ONE YEAR!!!"

Apparently I got someone's attention.

(click to enlarge)

Mary

Yesterday I left my car at Local Automotive for an oil change. Toward late afternoon I asked Mary to call and see if it was ready.

It wasn't. They'd had a busy day, with 2 guys out sick, and since my car wasn't urgent they put it at the bottom of the list and didn't get to it. To me this wasn't a big deal. It happens here, too.

But Mary decided to take a stand on my behalf, and told the guy that since this happened I shouldn't have to pay for the oil change. He agreed, and told her that if I bring it in again today they won't charge me for it.

Mary was so proud of herself. I didn't have the heart to tell her I bought the lifetime oil change for the car 12 years ago, and haven't paid for one since.

Sunday afternoon

'"Hi, this is Mrs. Triptan, and I see Dr. Grumpy for migraines. My daughter also gets migraines, so I give her my Painbegone pills. I know I'm not supposed to, but they work. Anyway, she's at 'Hunger Games' and has a migraine, but doesn't want to miss any of the movie, and texted me to bring her a pill. But I'm out, and the insurance won't give me more until April. So could Dr. Grumpy either meet me at his office to give me samples so I can take them to her? Or, if you're near Tween Cinema, could you just take them there? I can give you her cell number."

Wild times at the hospital

Dr. Grumpy: "So I'm going to check an MRI and EEG, and I'll be back to see you after we have the results. Any questions?"

Mrs. Speed: "NO! But I have a complaint."

Dr. Grumpy: "What's up?"

Mrs. Speed: "That orderly, the teenage hospital lackey that you people had take me downstairs for my chest X-ray last night! You need to have her fired!"

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry, was she rude to you!"

Mrs. Speed: "How should I know? She pushed my bed so fast I had to hang on for dear life! I was so scared I wasn't paying attention to what she said!"

Dr. Grumpy: "I..."

Mrs. Speed: "She's a hazard! I hate to think how she drives! She took corners at speeds so fast I was afraid the whole bed was going to fall over!"

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry..."

Mrs. Speed: "You need to train them better! And you should also have speed limit signs in the halls, and educate people like her to follow them!"