Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dr. Grumpy: "Any major illnesses run in your family?"

Mr. Ceruleus: "My dad died in his sleep, so I guess, um, sleeping?"

GET A FREE iPAD!

How many times have you seen that?

All the damn time. Every medical journal, CME service, and medical supply company has some such crap. If you order the gold-level service you get an iPad-mini, go with the platinum and you get an iPad. My wife has seen it from companies selling school nurse supplies in bulk

Of course, the iPad isn't really "free." Its cost is figured into whatever they're charging you for the purchase, or they're taking a slight loss hoping to get you as a loyal customer (doesn't work, guys. Ask any pharmacist who's forced to hand out gift cards to people who transfer a prescription).

But I digress.

Anyway, my point here is that pretty much EVERY professional level product is often sold with a "get a free iPad" gimmick.

Including, apparently, rats.

Yes, lab researchers, now you too can get a free iPad with your order of research rodents. Need some transgenic rats to test antibiotics? You've got an iPad-Mini! Doing cancer research on knockout rats? Get an iPad!

"Wait, where's the iPad they promised me?"

Be sure to use the promo code, which ingeniously is RatPadB13.

After all, with an iPad you don't need a mouse.

Thank you, Caillin!

Live entertainment

Mary: "Can I get a copy of your insurance card?"

Mr. Garda: "Sure, hang on... Um, I can't find it."

Lady Garda: "JIM!!! Did you lose it again?"

Mr. Garda: "I guess I did... It must have fallen out at the restaurant last night."

Lady Garda: "For Pete's sake! This is the 5th insurance card you've lost this year! I'm tired of calling them to get you a new one!"

Mr. Garda: "I'm sorry..."

Lady Garda: "You're lucky I carry an extra around for you!" (hands card to Mary) "You're a freakin' policeman! Grumpyville trusts you to carry a loaded gun everywhere, and you can't even keep track of a damn insurance card!"

It's 2:00 a.m.*

Midnight. One of my patients is in the Emergency Room:


Dr. ER: "So, it looks like she had another seizure."

Dr. Grumpy: "Yeah, she wanted me to leave her dose as it is, but at this point she'll need to increase it. Have her go to 2 pills twice a day."

Dr. ER: "Okay, should she come see you this week?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes... I want to talk to her. I know my 2:00 is open tomorrow afternoon, so have her come in then. I'll let my secretary know in the morning."

Dr. ER "Will do. Have a good night."

Two hours later, my phone chimes.

"Hello, Dr. Grumpy? I was in the ER earlier tonight, and they told me to come to your office at 2:00. So I'm here, but your office building is all locked up and dark. Can you please let me in?"


* The fear is gone

I don't wanna know

I'm going to hope this is a horrible transcription error, and not how someone broke their finger:

Thank you, K!

This guy is good

Thank you, ER's Mom!

Patient quote of the day

"It's not the important things I don't remember. It's the stuff that's important, but not as important as more important stuff. Some stuff, you know, is important and some isn't important important, but still important. So I remember most of the important important stuff, or least the important parts of what's important, but not other important stuff because it's just not as important. I think this is important."