Patient quote of the day

"Why do I have to let you know whenever I have a seizure? You're not my fucking mother."

More survey fun

I've put up some of the weird/stupid/random questions I've seen on surveys in the past. Apparently these aren't limited to North America.

A reader from the other side of the planet (Australia) sent this excerpt from one he recently took:

It's the 4th item down that grabs my attention.

Let's face it: everyone has their own degree of what is and isn't comfortable. But if I've reached a point in my life where I'm having an autopsy, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to care one way or the other.

Thank you, Caillin!

Oh, I'm sure they're used to your type

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Mr. Platelet: "Hi, I need you to call the pharmacist about my Plavix."

Dr. Grumpy: "What's wrong? I thought Annie called it in earlier today?"

Mr. Platelet: "Yeah, but they're trying to pull a fast one on me. They tried to give me something called Clopidogrel, and they're telling me it's the same. And I've never taken Clopidogrel!"

Dr. Grumpy: "It is the same. Clopidogrel is just the generic name."

Mr. Platelet: "It is?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yeah."

Mr. Platelet: "Oh crap. Normally my wife picks it up for me, too. I've just never noticed."

Dr. Grumpy: "Same drug. Just go get it."

Mr. Platelet: "Um, can you call it in to another pharmacy for me? After the way I acted I'm too embarrassed to go back there now."

Pizzaball

The Grumpyville city summer sports leagues are always popular, with different divisions for all levels of talent.

Usually one of the best teams in town is 8 guys who all work at Local Pizza. The manager there is the husband of one of my patients. The Pizza Boys have a feared reputation in their division, as they've been friends since high school and play together year round. They've only rarely been defeated.

Until this month.

Mrs. Pizza came in for a routine visit, and I asked how her husband's team did this year.

She paused, then began laughing. Hysterically. When she finally calmed down she told me they'd lost EVERY. SINGLE. GAME. By huge margins, too.

I asked her how this could happen. Was one sick? Injured? Dead? These guys are good (at least by city league standards).

And she began laughing again.

Apparently, due to a busy day at the restaurant, they sent one guy's girlfriend to sign them up at the city park that runs the leagues.

She signed them up for division 5 (normally they play in division 3) by mistake.

Division 5 is guys who are either recently-retired from the NBA, or who came really close to getting into the pro leagues, but weren't quite good enough.

But they are, however, a helluva lot better than a bunch of guys who run a pizza joint.

I was laughing so hard it pretty much ended the visit.

Important details

Seen in a chart while on call this weekend:

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NO!!!

Seen at Costco, in adjacent aisles, on August 18, 2013:

Once again, my pleas go unanswered.

"I love what you've done with the conning tower!"

While doing some reading about naval battles in the Mediterranean during WWII, I stumbled across this profile of a U-Boat commander.

It was the last line that gave me the giggles.